You made me cry and you don't even care
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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