I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
