i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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