It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
