Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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