im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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