i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm really busy with my period
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