I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
