Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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