Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
