We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
We left the knife in your bed.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
