I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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