I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
