At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
