So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize