I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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