Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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