sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
