Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
