New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
