Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
