Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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