next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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