awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
