I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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