she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
