We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
