For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
