So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
