Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I stole a fireplace last night.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize