no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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