There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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