my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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