i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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