Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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