remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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