Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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