AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
