i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
