i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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