i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
