Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
