It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
