When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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