Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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