I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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