Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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