Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
