You made me cry and you don't even care
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
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