i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize