I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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