Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
