Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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