I think i sorta joined a cult last night
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
