just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize