Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
