dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
