so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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