I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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