$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
