At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
not ubering you a puppy
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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