Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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