Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
