Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
