wake up i wanna do it froggy style
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
