I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
