and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I wish you could order shots online.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
